True Salvation
by Mochikyan
Summary: Allen Walker's life has been full of miseries and questions, hopefully a certain intangible Noah will be able to give him the salvation he needs. One-shot


A/N: This is a late bday present to my wonderful girlfriend Ally. While writing this story I was trying to channel my inner Edgar Allan Poe, and that didn't turn out very well. I was hoping trying a new writing style would make things more…meaningful or give more feels or something like that. But to me it seems it turned into pretentious emo-teen sounding crap. Definitely have to work on this writing style. Anyway, I hope you like it Ally (and anyone else who reads it of course.)

I, Allen Walker, have become quite the interesting character in the dismal story of my life, written by the cruelest of authors; the Universe. I know you must be asking yourself "Why is the universe your author, why not god?" And that is quite a good question, indeed how could I, an exorcist, not believe in god as my own creator for he is the very one I invoke on my quest to protect this earth and humanity along with it? This can be answered thusly: No god could ever be able to create a creature as horrid and full of miseries as that of myself. No god could ever have allowed such suffering to emerge in a world of his own creations. And certainly no true God would ignore the cries of those who worship him so greatly. In fact, the very word 'God' causes the blood to boil in my veins. If there is a true 'God' he's definitely not my God, nor is he the God of all those suffering.  
Though withdrawing from my distain for the all mighty deity, allow me to explain myself better. Ever since I was a child, not that I was ever much of a man, I have been quite obsessed over all things charnel. The death of my beloved father Mana had sparked within me a need for knowledge. I must know everything about death. Crying out to the Earl to inject life back into Mana seemed to many to be simply the act of a child missing their parent. However, that was not the case. It has been a little secret I've kept to myself all this time. I knew the consequences of summoning the Earl and I knew the anger which Mana would hold for me by reawakening his corpse. I recognized the eternal suffering that his soul would always have, I realized the torment I would bring upon him; I didn't care. My thirst for knowledge was greater than the morality I held within me. I wanted to know, to see for myself, what really happens when you die?  
Granted however, the shock of him cursing me definitely sent a fear through me and seeing his tears had brought me to feel an immense amount of guilt for myself. I was guilty for torturing someone who was so good to me and I began to loathe myself for I recognized that only the cruelest of beings could ever willingly act so coldly towards one they loved so dearly. From that day onward my obsession with death was still there however I pushed it to the back of my mind. I had set for myself a new goal in life, something that could help redeem my conscience and gain the forgiveness of not only Mana, but the god that he had worshipped. That was the day I had become an exorcist, a true exorcist. I had devoted my life to training so that I could eradicate the Earl and give salvation to what was left of humanity.

Even with this new goal in mind, the intrigue I had for death always stabbed at me like a child impatiently waiting for their turn on a ride. If anything, my new goal had made things worse. Now I was beginning to question things other than just death, but about god himself, about human nature. Through all my ventures as an exorcist I was able to come across people from all walks of life. My compassion for the human race grew, but so too did my need to learn all I could about God and death.

After each and every mission I found myself wracking my mind about things, of course I'd cry for my fallen friends and comrades, but soon the tears would stop and I'd crave knowledge. What had happened to these people? Were they really in heaven? Was god watching over them? How on earth could these 'Noah' be so evil towards those of the same race as them? Surely no human could ever be as malevolent as those born to the Noah family!

But then as my compassion for the other humans I had shared this planet with reached it's highest point, as my self-loathing began to dissipate, everything came crashing down at once. I realized that this god had been as cruel as ever, I realized that the people around me were not as they seemed.  
How could people actually kill others? How could these normal people help the Noah? How could God let this all happen? Have I myself turned into a good person finally? Though my heart was wavering about these things, my internal struggle had not stopped me from blindly walking forward in my attempt to destroy the Earl and all the Noah as well.

All these feelings and situations have guided me to where I am now, this moment, the moment where I have obtained all the knowledge I'll ever need. Now allow me to describe this moment, this situation I am/was in that should make it more clear for you.

Lying on the grass looking up at the sky I could tell I had lost. I had been defeated. Suman was a fallen one, his body showering rays of energy out of his very soul, destroying everything he loved. He had angered 'God' simply by wishing for another chance with his sickly daughter. Now he was a mockery, he was a shell of a man, no longer even human. He was nothing now, absolutely nothing. That's when I realized that god could not exist. No god could ever have done such a thing to someone so innocent.

Laying in my own misery I could feel my heart thundering in my own chest, the most basic human emotion had taken over my being; fear. Fear for Suman, fear of Suman, and fear for my own life. I adjusted my eyes to look up at the other man standing right over me. I had met him several times before and each time my body would shiver at the sound of his voice and heat would pool in the middle of my trousers. Being so immersed in thought and the pursuit of knowledge I had never allowed my being to delve into other human feelings such as lust. I considered the thought of lust to be a very self-serving thing. Yes, to me only selfish humans allowed their bodies to be used in such a way. Yet this man had inadvertently made my body come alive without so much more as talking to me. This man was Tyki Mikk.  
Currently I was staring into his eyes but I could almost _feel _the smirk he was giving me. Usually it would have annoyed me, but now I didn't mind it. I had realized and accepted that in this moment I was to die and that I would truly discover what it was I had been wanting to know my whole life.  
"Shounen, don't ignore me~" The playful tone in his deep baritone voice caused me to shudder. I could feel my body lighting up again. His hand was ghosting over my chest and I could do little more than watch as his hand plummeted straight into me grasping for my heart. This was the moment that I realized that I was not a good person, I was selfish and realized that I wanted nothing more than to allow myself to give in to my fragile human desires.  
"W-wait…" I muttered weakly and put my hand on his arm.

"Oh, it seems Shounen has decided to play with me~ Unfortunately I don't take kindly to begging~"  
"I'm not begging. You can kill me, end my life, I don't really care. I want something else before though. I want you."

He seemed taken aback by my words; he stared at me incredulously for a moment before his face melded back into its usual calm demeanor. Of course he would take me up on my offer I had no doubt. His usual flirtatious manner had all but guaranteed that. His calm smile never faltered from his face as he spoke.  
"Oh Shounen, I thought you'd never ask~ Of course I'll give myself to you, I'll take your misery away and allow you to experience what true pleasure feels like~"  
Pulling a tease out of the air he placed it over my chest before gently dropping it only my heart. I felt the bite as I felt the slow torrent of blood begin. I knew what he was doing, he had given me a timer.  
Making quick work of my clothes he pressed his mouth to mine hungrily. I could taste his flavor; mint and cigarettes. Truthfully I wanted to taste him longer, this had been my first kiss, but knowing the time limit we were on, I was on, he moved down my body. Brief kisses and hickeys made their way down my neck and would adorn my body for the rest of eternity.  
Feeling him flick his tongue over one of my already hard nipples I felt more blood pool and my lower section. My whole body was tingling with need and my carnal selfishness had taken over. I realized my timer was quickly running out but how weak my body had become and I wanted more before it fully ran out.  
"Tyki," I whimpered weakly, "You…all of you….now…." I managed to gasp out.

He pulled away and looked at me for a moment, eyes shrouded with lust. He didn't question me, he didn't say a word to me. He lifted me up over his shoulders and placed a few fingers at my entrance. The sensation was odd and it felt odder when he had pushed his member into me. Quickly though, his thrusts became the most wonderful sensation that I had ever felt.  
His grunts became like music to me, a mantra. I couldn't even recognize my own voice with the wanton moans than had escaped past my lips. My member was burning with pleasure but I had not the will or energy to do anything about it myself.  
He leaned forward and pressed our lips together again, he pumped my member as his thrusts became more erratic. I could feel him spill himself into me, then a moment later I felt tension explode within myself as my member shot ribbons of the white liquid on to my own chest.  
I felt my breathing slow and my visions blurry. He sat there with me, the whole time, watching me caringly. As the calmness of death slowly washed over me I felt at peace. I had found out all the answers I could ever have discovered whilst I was alive. God didn't exists and all humans even myself were monsters; people should just give in to their desires they'd live happier that way. I should have thanked him, Tyki. I would never have discovered such things or felt such wondrous release without him there. Yes he had given me true salvation and though I have now come to terms with my own terrible self I was happy. I have discovered all that I could while alive and I was about to discover what it was like after that life had been drained away. I am at peace, I am a wretched thing, but I am at peace.

"Th…n…k….yo…u…..Ty….k…I" 


End file.
